The Great Big Why - part 1

I remember the day I left College...

Let me back up a tad. Before coming to England, I spent two years in Ireland at University College Dublin, where my eldest brother also went before emigrating to the States. I was doing an Arts degree which involves choosing 3 subjects from a large pool of subjects, languages, arts and humanities predominantly. Mine were English, Psychology and Sociology. I never settled at UCD. I'm not the most outgoing of people and Arts is (or was at that time anyway) one of the most popular 3rd level courses UCD offers as it's a good general degree for people unsure of what they want to do exactly. This meant I was in a class of 500 people. No word of a lie. 500. You would sit down in class, (a huge amphitheatre capable of holding that many people) meet someone then never see them again! When you're less than outgoing around people you don't know this is simply overwhelming and intimidating. Coupled with the fact that I knew exactly what I wanted to be doing but wasn't doing it, it made for a less than enjoyable time. Sooooo, after 2nd year I quit.

Now both my parents are highly intelligent people but came from circumstances that didn't permit education beyond the age of 12. For what I've always supposed were reasons of unrealised ambition (is that classic movie pop psychology or what?) growing up, education was hugely emphasised in our house. Martin, the eldest, has a PHD and Brian has an MA. Yes there is something of an age gap. Martin is 41, Brian 39 and then there's me bringing up the rear at 29. Mum still tries to tell me I was planned. Both my brothers are two of the most intelligent people you'll ever meet, academically successful and subsequently professionally successful too (just don't ask me what they do) and all this due in no small measure to Mum and Dad pushing them into 3rd level education and struggling and making enormous sacrifices to fund it all. So when I came along, there was little doubt I would follow a similar path. Indeed, for my own part I knew I wanted to go to college, the only question was to do what? Flash forward to the end of 2nd year when my feet are itchy and I'm really fed up.

So I announce that I'm leaving UCD. Mum literally turned grey, I mean ashen. She had to take to her bed...!! Dad was slightly more composed and asked what I intended to do instead. I told them I would work for a year, save money and apply to every film school in Ireland and England I could find. I did just that and was accepted into Surrey Institute of Art and Design. Mum and Dad always felt I should have a backup, "in case the film thing doesn't work out." Of course I see their point. Trouble is, career wise there's nothing else I want to do. There never really has been. And, scary though it often is, walking a tightrope with no net to catch you can only give you better balance. From their point of view, it was like me saying I wanted to play for Chelsea or to fly to the moon. Working in film is about as attainable. This is all compounded by my two brothers following more traditional academic paths. They've had 9 years to get used to the idea which they have, though I know they worry. Still if it wasn't that it would be something else. They are parents after all.