Crockett and Tubbs via Toni and Guy.

I remember when I went to see Alexander at the cinema, quite the experience as anyone who has seen it will testify. I remember thinking that I will never again see Colin Farrell sport hair like he had in that film. Magnificent, flowing locks that were given as many opportunities to flap in the wind that could be reasonably motivated. Well clearly someone watched Alexander, thought similarly, took it up as a challenge and presented their ideas to Michael Mann during pre-production on Miami Vice. There is a 5 minute section about 40 minutes into Miami Vice that, when it is out on DVD, will be a chapter in itself and will doubtless be entitled, "The Three Stages of Crockett's Bonnet." Stage 1 is admiration. Farrell drives Gong Li to Cuba in a speedboat, for no discernable reason other than to let us bask in the beauty of the Farrell Mullet billowing in the wind against the sunset. What woman could possibly resist such a mane? None. Which brings us neatly to stage 2. Washing. Farrell and Li end up in the shower together and as the water hits the hair, it seems to suddenly fill the frame, regardless of what angle Mann shoots it from. It also seems to end up at Farrell's knees and Li tries her best to find the bizzarre follicle explosion occurring in front of her sexually attractive. Stage 3, drying. Arguably the most entertaining scene of the film, Farrell sits on the bed, Li produces a towel and in much the same way one might dry a poodle after its bath, she begins to towel dry the mullet which by this stage had me thinking that it was surely deserving of its own credit. It was, after all, the only interesting thing in the film.

Miami Vice is drivel. Beautiful drivel to be sure. One expects any Michael Mann film to be, if nothing else, gorgeous to look at. And that it is. But that is all it is. It starts off interestingly, with no credits, no idents for the production companies, no intro of any kind. We're plunged into the middle of an operation in a nightclub with Crockett and Tubbs, or as one reviewer described them, "Florida's scuzziest drug dealer and a black Fu Manchu." I'll get to Jamie Foxx's goatee shortly. This opening goes nowhere as an old informant contacts them as the latest covert operation he is involved in is going seriously haywire and our heroes leave the club to find him. The "bad guys" do "bad things" and Crockett and Tubbs now embark on the most unconvincing undercover work ever filmed as, looking increasingly like police officers with each passing second, they manage to infiltrate an enormous international drugs network, Farrell fails to teach Gong Li how to speak intelligible English, Foxx scowls and wears shades, they drive fast cars and speedboats and... yep that about covers it. The story is incoherent, with the dialogue at times impossible to understand, either growled out by Foxx and Farrell or else mangled by Li. Though when lines of dialogue were audible it made me feel like I really wasn't missing much when they weren't. "This is like gravity. And you can't fight gravity." Fuck, he's right! You can't fight gravity! The climactic gun fight, though decently staged and surprisingly gory, though all the more believeable for that given the weapons they were using, is a huge let down. Of course not every gun fight can or indeed should be like the famous one in Heat as De Niro and his crew are confronted by Pacino and his as they leave the bank. That still ranks in my top ten action sequences for sheer tension, energy, spectacle and emotional investment. However while the mechanics, location and dramatic function of the action should differ, surely some tension, energy, spectacle and emotional investment are useful regardless of the circumstances?

I didn't think much of Collateral when I first saw it. A subsequent viewing on DVD did nothing to change my mind. But in the light of Miami Vice I feel compelled to revisit it. There is no denying Michael Mann's credentials. Throughout the 90s he made consistently great films, Last of the Mohicans, Heat and The Insider which is one of my favourite films of all time. He also gave us Manhunter which, despite being painfully 80s, is still a great thriller and a great adaptation of Thomas Harris' source novel. Mann wrote Heat, co-wrote The Insider with Eric Roth, co-adapted Last of the Mohicans, co-adapted Manhunter so he has a proven track record as a writer. The first little blip for me was Ali. Though certainly good, it was somehow unsatisfying. The downward spiral continued with the ludicrous Collateral and now he finds himself thoroughly swimming through the quagmire with Miami Vice. There are flashes of interest. Crockett and Tubbs are not your standard buddy pairing. Indeed they communicate very little with each other, an idea which could have been very interesting but as it is onscreen, just feels flat. The story and script simply aren't there. As I mentioned above, the film looks fantastic, shot on Mann's beloved new HD by Director of Photography Dion Beebe. He has a way of framing a shot, of capturing a moment, that is simply unlike any other director. A Michael Mann film can be recognised after a few seconds by its look and that is one of the hallmarks of a great director in my opinion. Unfortunately another hallmark is to make great films and this is very, very far from a great film. That above everything else is what makes Miami Vice so disappointing. I write this review as a genuine fan of the director.

I really want to see Mann bounce back with something special. When his visual style, his way of telling a story and the themes that interest him collide with strong material, the results are fantastic. The only thing on display here that is in any way fantastic, is the phenomenol use of what grows so abundantly on Colin Farrell's head.