Man Of Steel? Patience Of Steel More Like...
...Are what's required if you're going to inflict Superman Returns on yourselves. I beg you, don't do it! Stay away in your droves! Only then will they learn! Bryan Singer is the biggest one hit wonder currently working. Usual Suspects is a phenomenol film, very well directed it must be said. Apt Pupil for me doesn't work. X Men is lame, X Men 2 set a new benchmark in dull films that has only now been surpassed with Superman Returns.
The "story", such as it is, picks up 5 years after Superman 2 finishes, conveniently ignoring the flops that were Superman 3 and 4, though on more than one occasion I found myself praying for a Nuclear Man to arrive and liven things up. Superman has been away looking for his home planet of Krypton after astronomers think they have found bits of a newly destroyed planet. Now back in Metropolis, his alter ego Clark Kent picks up his old job at the Daily Planet. Old flame Lois Lane (gone from the craggy, 40 a day but spunky and believeable Margot Kidder to the offensively bland Kate Bosworth, one of an entire generation of actresses that seem to come off a conveyor belt in Hollywood) now has a new man and a son. And a Pulitzer. Clearly time waits for no superhero. Meanwhile old nemesis Lex Luthor is out of prison and seems intent on creating a continent from crystals he steals from Superman's Fortress of Solitude in the North Pole (where Christopher Reeve hitchhiked to wearing nothing but a little jacket to keep him warm in Superman 2. Fuck being able to fly, that guy's hard!) and some kryptonite he steals from a museum. Yes you read that right. The plot really is that he's creating a continent.
Things get off to a good start. Singer and co have made the smart move of retaining John Williams iconic, bombastic 1970s score. The opening of the film sees Krypton destroyed, Marlon Brando return from the grave and THAT music kick in, complete with titles reminiscent of the original film's. So far so nostalgic. But like a car that just won't start despite having $200 million thrown at it, so Superman Returns goes absolutely nowhere. And takes 2 1/2 hours to get there. It's a good 45 minutes before Superman makes an appearance, but the time leading up to it is not build up. It's not set up. It's not anticipation. It's weirdly bland, scenes come and go without any real point or urgency. Then it's as if someone shouted, "Holy shit lads this is Superman. Shouldn't we introduce him? You know, maybe have him do something?" There follows a sequence in which Superman saves an out of control shuttle attached to a 747 on which Lois is trapped. The sequence is fantastically realised but it just isn't anything new. It doesn't set the pulse racing. And worse, it is basically the only action sequence in the film. There are one or two other minor moments of action. At one point a gang of criminals are robbing a bank with a huge fuck-off canon mounted on the roof of the bank. Why? Seemingly because Singer and the writers think it'll look cool to have them fire it at Superman as he walks towards them. He then stops a bullet with his eye. Again it looks very impressive but there's nothing behind it, no emotion. In total the heroics of the film maybe add up to 20 minutes. It feels as if everyone is going through the motions of what they think a Superman film requires but they've missed the sense of fun the original films had.
Don't misunderstand me, the original films are far from perfect. At well over two hours long, they're both in need of a trim and have their share of dull stretches. But they always bounce back with something great to keep us on side. Gone is the chemistry between Clark and Lois, gone is the fantastic glint of Superman in the eyes of Clark Kent Christopher Reeve was able to deliver. And crucially, gone is the variey of action the original film had. Saving Lois in the falling helicopter, becoming a human drill to tunnel down to Luthor's layer, capturing criminals at work, sending the Earth rotating backwards to turn back time. In the second film, saving the child at Niagra Falls, all those great moments in the battles with Zod and co. Different things to mix it up, show the range of his powers and keep us entertained. In Superman Returns, the only type of heroics the writers and Singer can come up with is to have Superman continually prevent heavy objects from falling on people's heads. Indeed gone is the action, full stop. The new film is dull, dull, dull. Over serious, laboured, a masterclass in how to not entertain people. Kevin Spacey is probably the best thing in the film and he's clearly doing his best but he just isn't serviced by the script. He doesn't have one memorable line or action. Indeed none of the cast do. And what of Brandon Routh? Certain angles and certain expressions he makes are eerily similar to the late Christopher Reeve and, particularly in his scenes as Clark Kent, he seems to be riffing on Reeves' performance. He's okay in his own right, serviceable, but once again, ultimately let down by having very little to do. The visual effects are stunning for the most part. But it's strange because it just amounts to Superman flying around, going nowhere, doing nothing. But hey look, he's flying again!
Whenever the old Superman theme kicked in I felt absolutely cheated. This film and its hero does not deserve such a rousing anthem behind them. However I was very grateful for it because without it, I would have surely been asleep the whole time.
The "story", such as it is, picks up 5 years after Superman 2 finishes, conveniently ignoring the flops that were Superman 3 and 4, though on more than one occasion I found myself praying for a Nuclear Man to arrive and liven things up. Superman has been away looking for his home planet of Krypton after astronomers think they have found bits of a newly destroyed planet. Now back in Metropolis, his alter ego Clark Kent picks up his old job at the Daily Planet. Old flame Lois Lane (gone from the craggy, 40 a day but spunky and believeable Margot Kidder to the offensively bland Kate Bosworth, one of an entire generation of actresses that seem to come off a conveyor belt in Hollywood) now has a new man and a son. And a Pulitzer. Clearly time waits for no superhero. Meanwhile old nemesis Lex Luthor is out of prison and seems intent on creating a continent from crystals he steals from Superman's Fortress of Solitude in the North Pole (where Christopher Reeve hitchhiked to wearing nothing but a little jacket to keep him warm in Superman 2. Fuck being able to fly, that guy's hard!) and some kryptonite he steals from a museum. Yes you read that right. The plot really is that he's creating a continent.
Things get off to a good start. Singer and co have made the smart move of retaining John Williams iconic, bombastic 1970s score. The opening of the film sees Krypton destroyed, Marlon Brando return from the grave and THAT music kick in, complete with titles reminiscent of the original film's. So far so nostalgic. But like a car that just won't start despite having $200 million thrown at it, so Superman Returns goes absolutely nowhere. And takes 2 1/2 hours to get there. It's a good 45 minutes before Superman makes an appearance, but the time leading up to it is not build up. It's not set up. It's not anticipation. It's weirdly bland, scenes come and go without any real point or urgency. Then it's as if someone shouted, "Holy shit lads this is Superman. Shouldn't we introduce him? You know, maybe have him do something?" There follows a sequence in which Superman saves an out of control shuttle attached to a 747 on which Lois is trapped. The sequence is fantastically realised but it just isn't anything new. It doesn't set the pulse racing. And worse, it is basically the only action sequence in the film. There are one or two other minor moments of action. At one point a gang of criminals are robbing a bank with a huge fuck-off canon mounted on the roof of the bank. Why? Seemingly because Singer and the writers think it'll look cool to have them fire it at Superman as he walks towards them. He then stops a bullet with his eye. Again it looks very impressive but there's nothing behind it, no emotion. In total the heroics of the film maybe add up to 20 minutes. It feels as if everyone is going through the motions of what they think a Superman film requires but they've missed the sense of fun the original films had.
Don't misunderstand me, the original films are far from perfect. At well over two hours long, they're both in need of a trim and have their share of dull stretches. But they always bounce back with something great to keep us on side. Gone is the chemistry between Clark and Lois, gone is the fantastic glint of Superman in the eyes of Clark Kent Christopher Reeve was able to deliver. And crucially, gone is the variey of action the original film had. Saving Lois in the falling helicopter, becoming a human drill to tunnel down to Luthor's layer, capturing criminals at work, sending the Earth rotating backwards to turn back time. In the second film, saving the child at Niagra Falls, all those great moments in the battles with Zod and co. Different things to mix it up, show the range of his powers and keep us entertained. In Superman Returns, the only type of heroics the writers and Singer can come up with is to have Superman continually prevent heavy objects from falling on people's heads. Indeed gone is the action, full stop. The new film is dull, dull, dull. Over serious, laboured, a masterclass in how to not entertain people. Kevin Spacey is probably the best thing in the film and he's clearly doing his best but he just isn't serviced by the script. He doesn't have one memorable line or action. Indeed none of the cast do. And what of Brandon Routh? Certain angles and certain expressions he makes are eerily similar to the late Christopher Reeve and, particularly in his scenes as Clark Kent, he seems to be riffing on Reeves' performance. He's okay in his own right, serviceable, but once again, ultimately let down by having very little to do. The visual effects are stunning for the most part. But it's strange because it just amounts to Superman flying around, going nowhere, doing nothing. But hey look, he's flying again!
Whenever the old Superman theme kicked in I felt absolutely cheated. This film and its hero does not deserve such a rousing anthem behind them. However I was very grateful for it because without it, I would have surely been asleep the whole time.
posted by Garreth at 8:53 am
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